Of Canoes and Snowshoes, Tales from the Northwoods

So I've been living on the other side of the pond in Canada for 9 months now, and I think its high time I started writing about what I've been up to. At this point I have to give a big shout out to my cousin and inspiration for this blog: Gregory Hart, who has also fled the motherland, and in his case landed in Cleveland, Ohio, stateside. His blog "Greg in Ohio" really is a fantastic read:

http://greginohio.blogspot.ca/

So For my part I think the folks back in bonnie Scotland might find my blog an interesting read and it should be a good laugh for all my new Canadian friends. So without further ado lets us begin...are you sitting comfortably?

So why did I do it? Why did I jump on a plane and fly to the remote, downright frigid and mosquito infested frontier of the North American continent? Well that's actually a really difficult one to answer, but I'm sure it has something to do with these guys:



These things:

Oh and this guy...



Ok not so much the Mountie... but maybe just a little bit...

But first I have 9 months of serious catching up to do...So I think I'll start off with a Canadian orientation for my British friends.

So this is Canada (also known as America's hat). It's big...Like really big!



In fact it's mind blowing, Canada is the second biggest country in the world, spans six different time zones and is bigger than the USA. (in your face Americans) And yet it has only roughly half the population of the UK in all that space! You know what that means? lots of wilderness!

The country is made up of ten provinces and 3 territories. Yea I know, provinces!...sounds like something from ancient Rome doesn't it? And territories because presumably nobody could think of a better name for all that nothingness up there.

So yea in a terribly non stereotypical and politically correct account:

Newfoundland and Labrador: Where people say "aboot" a lot.
Nova scotia: Where people think they are still Scottish.
New Brunswick: That other maritime province.
Prince Edward Island: Wait that's really a province?
Quebec: frogs legs and snails.
Ontario: Canoe country and that capital that nobody remembers the name of...wait isn't it Toronto?
Manitoba: Corn.
Saskatchewan: More corn.
Alberta: Where the earth is raped for all it's got.
British Columbia: Home of tree huggers and Greenpeace.

Yukon: Gold prospectors and mounties! cool!
Northwest Territories: Nothingness..."you know all that space up in the northwest" (that's how it was named)
Nunavut: Think cute baby seal being clubbed to death by an Inuit...

So how about the Canadians themselves? Well this was the image that came to mind when I thought of Canadians when I left Britain:

Guy driving a huge red pickup truck wearing red and black plaid who says eh? at the end of every sentence. With a dead moose in the back, blood trickling out the tailgate with gun racks holding gun racks which hold guns on the roof...

And well...I wasn't far from the truth!

But then I did move to North Bay in northern Ontario!